.tHe.tAsTe.oF.iNk.

lonely

2011-10-12T22:30:00.000-07:00

it's been sometime since I felt so alone.

distraught

2011-05-11T16:14:00.000-07:00

I've lost hundreds of dollars by the click of a mouse.

I've been scolded even though I've tried my best.

But never have I been so distraught after getting my results; the bad results even after the amount of effort I put in.

I once mentioned, if I can't do well for this tests, I don't know how to do well anymore.

Now that it happened, I really don't know how to do well anymore. Sigh.

For you, my love.

2011-03-14T06:32:00.000-07:00

LP posted this on his blog and I thought of sharing with you too but since this is the peak of your life, I wouldn't want people to say that I'm trying to prove that you're mine by posting this video.

So I'm posting here, if you ever see it in the future, yes I love you, even though we're physically thousand miles away.

Army Daze

2010-09-15T16:26:00.000-07:00

140910 is officially my ORD date, and today's 150910, which also means i'm officially a NS Man now, liable for call ups and IPPT every year. I wouldn't see this as an end, but a beginning to the next chapter of my life. I wanna pen down all my thoughts on Army, my life in army as well as all my experience i had here while they are still fresh, just in case time took them away as i walked down the road of life. I will write down everything briefly, not in details as there would be too much to pen down.

As good as fresh memories, exactly 2 years ago i was supposed to report to pasir ris MRT at 1030. I wore this green and yellow striped shirt, looking nerd. Took the ferry to Palau Tekong and got separated from my parents. I was ushered towards this grand stand where i tried to look around for familiar faces but there was none. There was this plump guy standing in front all of us, trying to talk cock, introducing all the 3SG but himself. i knew he was some high rank personal as i could see his rank with more strips and a crest in the centre. He's none other than my CSM, Staff Bruce Lee. I remembered clearly the first meal i had in tekong was chicken rice, everyone was saying, "wa food in tekong nowadays not bad!" My buddy was William, and i slept at the last bed of platoon 1, section 4. First guy who let us know about the instruction of our Sergeant was Aaron.

Then, as a recruit, 3SG was like our father. 2LT was like Member of Parliament, OC was like maybe some Minister of Something, CO is of course the King.

I didn't really mixed well when i was a recruit, albeit i wanted to be an officer. I cleared my IPPT for the first time in my entire life which i thought i could never have made it. My first 2.4 run was super bad. i took 20 mins to run 2.4 and that was probably the slowest one could ever go. I can't do a single pull up, everything seemed to be so touch. Nevertheless i put in effort, managed to get a pass and cleared my SOC.

SISPEC even though it was tough, i enjoyed it the most, as i gained the most in my entire 2 years of army. I realised i can do it if i want to do it, and i had myself convinced by attaining IPPT silver for the very first time. My running improved to 11.11 mins which is still my personal best so far. I know its slow, but if you know how slow i ran for the first time in Tekong, i bet you would be proud of me. I didn't forget my CSM, Master Voon. He was a strict superior but a caring one. It has come a point that even though you don't know that you committed some mistake and yet you got punished, you are still willing to accept any punishment that was given to you. There's this respect in me that i wanna give him, simply because he had been my role model to be a commander ever since. I'm glad i was bed buddy with my tekong bunk mate, Bryan. A petite fellow, but an enjoyable companion.

SI was probably the best place you can go for a trainee. Got computers to use, got food vending machine to buy, got lots of free time to play board game, can order macdonalds, simply life is good in SI. I made lots of good friends there, people like Jaramy, Alvis, Dennis, Shawn, etc.

8SAB i thought was a good place to be, but not as much when you're under my CSM. He's probably the only kind of people that i have met in my entire life, and someone who i will never be proud of. He screwed up his personal life, and also had a tough time in his work life, simply because of his f up attitude. I dont know how to explain this kind of attitude as it's simply rotten to the bone. Asking someone else to do something that is suppose to be his, scolding someone unreasonably, unfair treatment, so on so forth. Nevertheless, i'm glad i'm there as i've made several really good friends, and i'm still in contact with them now. However, at the same time, i've offended people due to my actions. Then, i was a super garang, which also means, i'm super pro active. I always do task given to me well, and do everything swee swee. You can also call me kia si, but it's okay, as long as my conscious is clear. I still must apologise, even though none of them would probably read this. I hope people from the 17 brothers understand why i did what i have done. It's easy to whine and say why don't do this why don't do that, as when the problem arise, you would be the one on the target board, but your superior whose superior has tasked him for some stuff.

2 years just pass like this. And i'm moving forward to my next phrase of life. HSBC, then USYD. I hope when i look back here in a few years time, even though army is a waste of time, i wanna tell myself, yes, I've learnt something in that 2 years.

note to self

2010-07-07T22:14:00.000-07:00

question:

why leave the amount of money you have to luck and chance?

.

2010-06-20T02:10:00.000-07:00

LeAnn Rimes "How Do I Live"

where'd you go

2010-06-19T00:21:00.000-07:00

I miss you so.

I'm so scared of the verdict. Sigh. :/

.

2010-06-18T22:40:00.000-07:00

i cant seemed to concentrate on anything today. sigh.

i'm missing you. =/

.

2010-06-18T14:46:00.000-07:00

i miss you.

.

2010-06-18T03:30:00.000-07:00

i'm turning in nowwww. good luck for tml's paper.

good night.

love you!

.

2010-06-17T23:38:00.000-07:00

i swear my mood went from rock bottom to rocket high after i saw the msn chat.

you're amazing, and if you fancy, awesome. haha.

i love you!

.

2010-06-17T22:11:00.000-07:00

im missing you, like now.

.

2010-06-17T18:12:00.000-07:00

i found the transfer receipt for the first skirt/dress you bought, uh the shop that doesn't belongs to jennifer.

tell me if you still need it!

anyway guess your mom's reach your place alr. hope you're feeling better. keep warm and work hard!

miss you!

<3

i dreamt

2010-06-17T13:18:00.000-07:00

of you last night.

it was a happy dream.

i miss you.

love,
Boobook

kiss on a drawing block

2010-06-16T20:45:00.000-07:00

know that every moment when you think of me, i am doing the same...
know that every moment you miss my hugs & kisses, i am missing them as well...
as in the moments we had!
it's not going to be easy, we might not end up sane after this...
but know this fact & know it well...

i still love you seriously!

with love,
xoxo.

i guess we all know its not going to be easy right at the beginning, you know we might not end up sane after this.
i didn't gave up. please don't.

.

2010-06-16T19:43:00.000-07:00

i miss you.

.

2010-06-16T14:40:00.000-07:00

i love you yt.

.

2010-06-16T13:20:00.000-07:00

did i not have enough sleep and went for training or is it the crack that makes it hurt, so much.

.

2010-06-16T12:41:00.000-07:00

im missing you.

i love you.

2010-06-16T10:00:00.000-07:00

it never stops rolling down my cheek, it never stops dripping down. it has been a long night; i never knew i would cry so hard.

maybe its my fault, maybe its my personality. but it mean no harm. i never mean to irritate you, i never mean to harm you, and breaking up has never occurred in my mind.

i dont know how it happened, and i never saw it coming. i didnt know such a small quarrel could ignite that spark to cause this whole tragedy. i thought we were okay all these while, each time we fight, i tried to correct myself so as it will not happen for the second time.

i guess its the amount of stress that adds up around this period. like you had your exams and i'm having a hard time here. but as much as i felt compelled to call and say how much i need you now and then, im afraid that i'd disturb you studying. i know how much we are going through, thats why i've been giving you space.

your last msg told me you have decided you want to be with me, and you know we are going through a rough patch. i also know you cant give me the support i need right now, which is also why since that msg, no matter how tough my life here is, i never went straight to you and tell you how sucks life is here. i totally understand the things you need.

so, try to understand how i felt last night, for once?

i look through the photos, thinking how much things have changed, it really hurts me that much.

the screen shots we initially took.
the very first couple photo we took under the heart at Clarke quay. oh yes, i was stiff.
the "the straw nice" photo.
the photos we took along Clarke quay, of which you sent for competition.

i hope they still mean alot to you now because coming so far isn't easy.

why now? why so sudden. i admit it was my fault in the past, but it was just a small quarrel last night, such a puny matter. perhaps we quarreled slightly more than others, but i seriously think its all due to the distance that we are apart.

i admit im possessive, i admit im sensitive, but i've been changing for the better.

i don't know how to say all these to you so i'm posting it here, hoping you will read.

remember those times that we quarreled and you were afraid that i might break up with you? those heart shattering nights, not once, not twice. if you can still read the posts in your blog, you'd totally know how i felt right now.

i was hurt more than once, and i admit i thought of giving it up since its still the beginning initially. but i hanged on tight, even though i was in agony. i didn't gave you up even though there's some facts that i can't change. give me a chance to compromise, will you?

i also asked you before, if we know we are not going to last because i'm going aus to study, why are still we together.
you answered so that we will take the time till the time when you're back to understand each other better to further decide.

you are only 7 days away, give ourselves one chance? if it doesn't work, at least i know we broke up not because of long distance r/s.

speaking of which, you made me believed in things i have never believed, such as the things i'm looking for in a girl, and withstanding a long dist r/s.

ever since i booked my flight there to look for you, i've never thought of leaving you, anymore.

i always thought we could take another shot like this

i'm missing you right now and,

will you still love me in the morning, love?

i'm only an NSF

2010-06-10T18:28:00.000-07:00

if i am who i am when i first got posted in, i don't mind doing all these shit.
if i am who i am when i still have my friends around, i don't mind doing all these shit.

simply because i still have my friends to go through tough times with me, and while blackbird(bb) still have a small war with the pl office people, both sides need the specs to support them, so at least i get to enjoy a few privilege.

there's an obvious change and difference in me between now and then. i was garang, i believed in doing my duty, i believed in doing my job well. but now, i think i was seriously stupid to think about them.

simply because why do i have to work so hard for such a ungrateful person.

i cannot deny i'm important in my place of work. every single thing that goes into here, comes to me. whatever problem, whatever news. i'm not trying to be boastful but i'm saying its a very stressful job.

its okay to do a stressful job, but when you have such a fuck up boss, who has an ego that the world can't contain, who leaves work after lunch time and throw his work to his subordinates, who doesn't pick up his calls, who likes to yell at people, who thinks he's fucking great, who thinks he's always right, who likes to threaten people, who likes to carry his boss's balls, i find it totally undeserving.

whatever problems you know. whatever fuck shit problems that doesn't concern me, also comes to me.

things related to my field, admin matters, now? things that aren't related to me comes to me too. whats worst. bb is posting out aug, and aug has a standby, store IC ask me to know the full configuration. like hello. am i the only spec? why the hell is everything coming to me when i'm only paid as an NSF? i will not do this for my fucking entire life, and i will not fucking do this for my fucking entire life.

bb has such a fucking big ego, doesn't like to call people. he likes to ask someone else to ask the person he wishes to talk to, to call him. which also means, when A wants to talk to B, he will ask C to tell B to call A.

WHAT A JOKE RIGHT?

i'm fucking sick of all these shit. no off record, i dont even fucking know how many offs i have.

bb loves to change his mind last min, simply because he doesn't remember the things he say. i'd love to say, he's growing senile. now i have to abide to his sayings because i need that 2.5 days off badly. i'll have to endure.

i dont know why there's such people on earth, and perhaps being at where he is for the past 5 years is already a punishment to him. he should at least ask himself why he's at there while the rest of his colleagues are at a much higher level, instead of blaming his boss while he's at a previous place of work. he got into some trouble previously, resulting in today's plight.

but i'd say serve him right. fancy i mentioned good things about him during my interview with some big shot 2 or 3 months back. i fucking knew a leopard won't change its spot.

i think he's a fucking loser who should just fucking fuck off because i'm so super tired of all his senseless nonsense.

i hardly like to criticize people here but i think i dont have a choice. nobody understand how i feel. nobody CAN understand how i feel. simply because you don't work under the same boss as i do, and even if you do, you won't always get the same kind of arrow that i do.

what kinda person has such a bad image, that the whole industry knows about his bad reputation.

i fucking hate my life now. i live in horror everyday. the first thing that appears in my mind when i wake up is if his car is around. i don't look out to the sky and tell myself that today's a good day, simply because i can't. i stay in the office doing my work, so scared that he would come in and tell me off. i have my phone with me, and each time it rings, i'm afraid it would be from someone asking me to call him. i dont step into his office, because i know somehow i might get into trouble.

i know i'm someone who can get things done. thats what i am. maybe that's why i'm suffering like how i am. i used to work at ING, and i remember those times were tough. i had to pack the whole storeroom packed computers. i myself have to take down those system one by one, but i didnt complain, because i've a meaningful purpose and an understanding boss. but here? i'm only an NSF, i dont believe in whatever fuck shit you believe, most importantly, i dont do what i'm doing for a living. the things i do now, aren't that tough compared to what i've done before for my job previously, so dont come and tell me what if i have such a boss or how do i survive in the industry in the future.

i will survive, and have survived in the industry, because i have promotions to look forward to, i have monthly income to take. for the job i'm doing now? its much more than what i'm given.

i need a break, and i need someone to talk me out of this. i'm really tired, exhausted, drained. i'm saying all these now because i think i've reached my limit of tolerance.

SO YOU THINK YOU FUCKING BIG FUCK?

in your own hands

2010-06-06T19:46:00.000-07:00

after doing abit of blog hopping, and getting a few updates from my friends last night,

i strongly believe your life is how you want it to be.

for me? i'm in full control of it, at least so far i am.

can't wait!

2010-06-01T10:23:00.000-07:00

when i was back from aus, it was 28/4. back then, i had a checklist of events to look forward to, so it would not be so painful for me to wait for love to be back in june.

back then, i had almost 60 days. now as i type, it's down to it's final 23 days.

back then, i had the following checklist to look forward to.

1. May ORD personals.
2. End of May Outfield.
3. Bro TH coming back.
4. Love back in town.

the first 3 are all checked, and i can't wait for the 4th to be checked too. (:

walking along the trail of fallen leaves

2010-05-21T12:37:00.000-07:00

i feel no sense of security.

i dont, at all.

but i have to be quiet about it.

hi blog i hope you understand.

now let me sleep, i'm tired.

FML.

2010-05-21T12:34:00.000-07:00

everyone has their own stress and i'm of no exceptional.

i always thought this should be a better year because

i'm attached and i should feel blissed.
i'm going to ord, so i should feel some freedom.
the brigade is closing down, so i should feel slightly more relax.

but apparently all the above is not true.

2009 seemed to the best year in my life so far. even though i was single and didnt manage to get together with p or a due to some reason, i was really happy back then. i felt carefree.

this year's entirely different. i'm totally drained and tired. i've read lesser books, much less accomplished.

i cannot say everything here because of some personal reason, but perhaps we both took a wrong first step.

i'm lost, i really don't know what to do now.

i'm like so stress at work. its as though i'm the csm, not him. why am i doing an officer + csm's job when i'm only an nsf. when an officer or csm has tasking to do, they leave it to the ones below like specs and man.

me? i have to coordinate, i have to do it by myself, and bear with some fuck up attitude from the man, thinking they always do the most. but the truth is, they have been slacking, and when you start to ask someone who always does nothing to do something, they'll feel as though they are doing the world's load.

it sucks when you have someone so unreasonable on top of you. yes, i admit sometimes there are welfare. but i'd rather have a higher up who's selfish about welfare but reason out things with me, not to yell at me to give instructions.

so what do i do? i find my friends to talk to, i find my love.

i'm really glad i have friends like kershin and thienhoon who has been supporting me through my darkest days. thank you.

suddenly remember

2010-05-14T00:17:00.000-07:00

i suddenly remember there was once you talk to me till 5am while im doing my duty, it really makes duty so much easier.

if

2010-05-14T00:01:00.000-07:00

if i were to tell you how i feel,
i would say i love you.

but if i were to tell you how much i feel,
i don't know how to.

i guess i'm not good at that part, cause all i've been saying, is how i feel. i didnt know how to express the latter well.

its like something on the inside hoping you will know, but sometimes i just think the msges did not get across.

am i not good enough?
am i not understanding enough?
have i been very sensitive?
have i been very possessive?

i've thought about over them, and i agree sometimes its my fault. but all i need, is just some assurance, as simple as telling me you love me. simple things like, initiating a webcam chat and telling me how is your day.

i guess after sometime, r/s tend to turn sour. or perhaps, may is the tough period we have forsee it to be.

sigh

2010-05-11T22:13:00.000-07:00

i never knew you would make me feel this way.
i never knew you would hurt me this way.

it felt so different after so many hours of silence.

sigh.

cause its all in my head, i think about it over and over again.

at least i know im truly in love with you.

just so you know.

2010-05-11T19:58:00.000-07:00

or if you ever see this,

isly.

i never thought

2010-05-11T19:55:00.000-07:00

i would be like him.

and you would remove that kissing post.

i was walking past the carpark that day when i saw a benz driving past me. again, i tell myself i'll be driving those one of these days.

i miss you

2010-05-03T17:43:00.000-07:00

LYT.

7 days

2010-04-29T13:48:00.000-07:00

7 days seemed to pass so quickly, even faster than the usual 7 days that i spent in camp.

just in case some of you dont know, i went to perth to see my girlfriend 7 days ago, and came back only last night. even though there's still 1 or 2 moments that we bicker abit, but the whole trip was definitely worth it.

many first-times in this trip. AND WAIT. DONT THINK DIRTY.

first time in
1. going overseas alone.
2. renting a car overseas.
3. to find someone overseas.
4. to drive a car around overseas.
5. and most importantly, to spend time with love overseas.

it totally feels like having a free and easy holiday trip with girlfriend, just that we're staying in a house instead of hotel. the house mates are still okay, but we dont stay in the house most of the time, so yea.

i probably will want to stay longer if i can. i forget next mon's public holiday. so perhaps if i applied this week instead, would be more wu hua.

i think i cry too much for a guy. i need to hide some information here to protect my image. haha!

thanks for coming to the airport last min to send me off.
thanks for putting in effort to at get a car for me to drive us around.
thanks for being my personal gps and tell me which direction to go, it must have not been easy.
thanks for making this trip worthwhile.
and most importantly, thanks for loving me.

i love you. (:

p.s. put the pillow casing inside another pillow casing with pillow can make the smell there? lol.

its not

2010-04-15T23:48:00.000-07:00

a determining factor.

make sense?

its true.

2010-04-15T16:48:00.000-07:00

no matter what i've said,

i love you.

my mind

2010-03-30T23:42:00.000-07:00

i hate my mind at times. it wonders alot. i wonder about the past, i wonder about the future, and i care too much about the present.

not a bad thing after all, as the saying goes the cautious seldom errs.

but sometimes i just dont wish to think about certain things.

i hope my mind will work on that.

SI days.

2010-03-26T00:46:00.000-07:00

i miss those SI days in bunk, when dennis and jaramy will start to sing some random chinese song, then alvis and i will follow.

oh man, time flies. come to think of it, its been 1 year. lol. hope you guys have been doing well. (:

goals and dreams

2010-03-21T03:54:00.000-07:00

im posting it here and not on the other side simply because this is a reflection.

i realise i have not been working hard as i am like the past. here are the reasons why i think so.

1. i have been reading lesser books.
2. i've not done a FA so far or in the midst of doing any since my last investment.
3. when i open my charts, i'm just looking for a divergence, not good enough.

thus, i realise

1. i need to start reading books, again.
2. i need to start doing FA, again.
3. most importanly, i need to state new rules or new system to trade apart from a divergence system.

i know trading often doesnt mean you will earn more or its better, but at least i dont always have to wait for a histogram to start a trade. elaine doesnt always wait for histogram, if she does, she wont get her 3k profit every month.

i need to improve on my trading performance. i know its my first year, and maybe i'm expect much better result, but since last sept, my net profit is rather pathetic. it might be because my capital was stuck in a counter, now that i have withdrawn that amount, i hope i will be able to do better.

i also set a target for myself till jun 10 if you had read my blog, i realise that its hard to materialise simply because of unforseen circumtances. but if i were to give myself abit of leeway, i think i am still able to make it.

perhaps i will set another goal with much rules all laid out.

i'm sorry

2010-03-17T17:34:00.000-07:00

i promise not to raise them up anymore.

i just hope we dont fight again, because each time we do, i sleep with fear, be afraid that you will not love me in the morning again.

i know i'm abit possessive, and i'm still trying to fix it. so give me your assurance, it'll certainly speed up the process.

i'm sorry for the hurt i've caused. i truly am.

i hope you will still love me in the morning without a stint of hurt.

i miss you

2010-03-15T09:16:00.000-07:00

somehow i wished you were by my side each time imu.

the laughter you have keeps ringing in my head. (:

look forward.

2010-03-14T23:52:00.000-07:00

forget the past, look forward and cherish the present.

i am.

major impact.

2010-03-14T04:30:00.000-07:00

LYT says:
im asking you to focus on me, on us, on what i make u feel, on what you make me feel, on what is, at that moment, ours

love

2010-03-13T08:51:00.000-08:00

somehow it feels like, somehow it doesn't feels like.

just like missing someone, sometimes i miss, sometimes i don't. and i know this is perfectly normal, cause when i ask
"eh you got miss your girlfriend 24/7 anot?"

the usual response will be
"you siao ah, your brain not tired meh!"

maybe its the same for love, but if its not love, then why is it that

-i feel happy when i'm talking to you.
-i constantly want to update you about my life.
-i'm concerned about you.
-would love to share with you the happenings in my life be it sad or not

and most importantly,
i miss you, sometimes.

i think the whole meaning or feeling of love is screwed by the very first girl i fell for so deeply when i was sec 4.

is that love or is that an obsession?

people around me has tell me the reason why i think i love her or want her so much is simply because i couldnt get her. somehow i agree. i remembered there's a period of time when i'm actually somehow close with her, and the feeling of what i thought was love was not there, until she's gone.

obsession. perhaps.

now, i dont think c's that brilliant or wonderful anymore. what i want is to cherish this relationship and make it work till the end. what i felt now is what i initially felt for in the first r/s with j. the pain comes only when she's gone.

i hate how my brain work, always look at history to consider things in the future. argh!

i'm still trying my best to be a good boyfriend, so far i dont think i have done a good job. and that, my sister gave me quite a scolding. just that i really hate the lack of physical presence. whats more is that this should be the honeymoon period and she's not around, which make things even more difficult.

just know that when i say i love you, i really do. JLYT!

long distance relationship

2010-03-05T16:18:00.000-08:00

i got into a relationship at the most unexpected time. i hope it will last, but im really not confident that it definitely well, however i will do my best to make it work.

simply because im on a long distance relationship. only a few days into the r/s and she flew off to aussieland to complete her final year of studies. its not going to be very long, she'll be back around mid june. its still long after all, 3 months.

i have seen many examples of failed long distance relationship, which i think most remarkably is the one that most of us are aware of, that this couple are together since sec 3, and once the girl flew over to study, they broke up.

another one i can think of is one of my bunkmates, that his girlfriend flew over to jap for half a year to study, and when my friend flew over, they broke up in japan.

many more, of course, but these 2 are the one that mark the deepest impression on me. simply because they are the two relationship that i dont think would end simply because of long distance.

its not easy, and i would beg to differ if you call it only infatuation if there's no feelings if the person is not there.

is a 5 to 6 years r/s infatuation or what someone of you know as momentary attraction? i dont think so.

my girlfriend thinks that if there's no contact for a moment, it will make her miss the person more. i'm still trying to accept that.

although she's not perfect, and in some aspects of her which doesnt fit my bill, but still, its not possible to get everything in a package, simply because nobody is perfect. i'm picky, i really am, but i can consider this relationship simply because of the way we communicate, and the personality she has that suits me so well.

u know, guys sucks. when you have not get the girl, you will find all ways to get her. once you know she has feelings for you, your feelings would not be as strong.

i dont wan this r/s to end up somewhere, i want this to continue, and i hope i really am strong to make this work.

old times into account

2010-02-10T19:05:00.000-08:00

i'm quite sad that it has to end up this way.

my upper study just ord, but the way things between me and him turned out badly on his last day of service.

he ripped my shirt just because i drove his car 1 small round the camp compound without asking him.

first of all, i dont even know he would not like people to drive his car. secondly, why is there a need for physical when i dont even know you dont like people to touch your car?

all these while i thought i have made a good friend. but now i know its not.

i am really disappointed because of all the good old times. didnt know it has to end up this way.

i probably wont see him anyway, and probably would not want to see him again. scrap the good old times.

now, fuck off.

not easy to lead.

2010-02-06T23:34:00.000-08:00

sometimes i wonder if its a mistake to be a specialist, instead of being a man since i can't be an officer.

it was never easy to lead and be the "devil" and worst, to be sandwiched in the middle with your superiors on top, and your subordinates below.

i cannot say anything much here because i might get myself hanged. in short, some commanders are not made commanders, i should say, their way is pathed.

why? simply because they signed on since the day they are recruited, or perhaps even before due to unforeseen circumstances. it is okay if you have one out of ten people like this around, but when there is only two, and the two are categorized in the same column, then you have a problem.

below keep asking, on top don't want give.

for me, i do everything because i feel obliged by the duty that im here to do whatever i need to do, doesn't matter if there is extra privileges, or if there is extra off days or what. just appreciate my hard work. what happen is, on top take it as normal, below take it as you too garang.

LIKE HELLO, IM JUST DOING MY JOB?

its like this, when what you do is normal, and people around are not normal, they take it the other way round, you are not normal, and they are normal.

how do i justify if i'm normal or not? okay simple.

1. i do things slightly by the book, simply because i know the feeling of extra sucks.
2. i do not let people below me to go on magic off simply because if they are caught, things would get worst.
3. i wear my headdress when i'm out in the sun because i feel that it is what i must do.

and many more.

all these are NORMAL right? but the things is, SOME people here, not all, are just too slack. and they dont give a hoot around whats going around. i hope i can really say
"SERVE YOU RIGHT ON THE TWO EXTRA THAT YOU HAVE FOR NOT KEEPING A CLOSE LOOK ON YOUR MAN'S OFF"
this dude's sleeping area is in a mess, dont wake up for breakfast, do all the illegal stuff, sleep in bed the whole day, and EVERYONE LOVES HIM, simply because he doesnt scold the man.

sometimes i really wonder, if i'm doing the right thing. is it worth doing all these? after all, i'm here for 2 years. but yet again, i'm here to do my job, not for them to like me or not. it sucks when you get this kinda colleague. i really hope wenjie and his batch doesnt ord so quickly.

they are the group of people who really made my NS days look so much better. initially of course, there's abit of differences between me and wenjie, but after working with him for sometime, i really think he's a nice guy to work with. sigh, now that they are gone, i wonder if i can take the whole company admin alone.

in short, work sucks now. BOO.

getting tired.

2010-01-17T19:23:00.000-08:00

im getting tired of duties.

i've never had so much duties in a month. 5 fucking duties. 2 guards with 1 day in between, friday and sunday.

i know i cannot complain cause its all duties but who wont complain and whine? further more its just after exercise period.

damn man. i think its draining me. i cant wait for this month to be over before i can go into lull period and slack all the way.

even though yesterday's poker was kinda last min, but it kinda bring my game to the next level. the reason why i like playing poker is not because i like to gamble. i dont bet frequently on soccer, i dont overbought 4D, around 4 bucks on weekend. i like playing poker because it gives you a kind of thrill that no other games can give, and most importantly, its a test of mental strength and precise aggression.

dont tell me you are pro in facebook's poker or some online poker game cause its a total different feel. i dont feel anything when i all in a online poker game, but on the real poker table, its a total different feeling.

call me for poker games, and yeah. im suppose to run now, but feeling all so dreadful.

2009-12-31T16:07:00.000-08:00

Life Journey FY 2009

The question that people always ask on the last day of a year is limited.

“What have you done this year?”
“What have you accomplished this year?”
“What things in this year have you regret not doing?”
Etc, etc.

I, of course have prepared answers like that and yes, they are those that made me feel that I’m a better man in 2009, compared to 2008.
It has been a tough time, compared 2008 and 2009, simply because in 2008, I’ve made a leap in my life, going into the market and initiated investing in mid 2008, and that of course is categorize under monetary issues. I used to be playing dota, looking for replay, checking out new dota news, prior to investing. But since I started investing, the purpose I wake up every morning changes, the thing that first came into my mind every morning changes, in short, it has been an impact to my life, all thanks to the market, in 2008.

In 2009, I wouldn’t say I have done as much as in 2008 when it comes to the market, simple because I don’t have the amount of time I can spend on computer on usual days anymore. I no longer look into fundamental data, I’m now looking at charts, tracking results, which of course, take much lesser time needed compared to fundamental data. I’m not gauging how much I have advanced in the stock market by the amount of time I have spend on it, but the amount of information that have entered my head. Learning how to analyze fundamental data is so much harder, so much taxing compared to learning how to analyze. I swear I had a hard time learning from LP for FA, but for TA, it take less than 10 emails to learn an essential trading system. Thus I would say, 2008 is still the year, that I feel that it’s the most fruitful year for monetary issues thus far.

In spiritual context, this year with no doubt, make me a better man through suffering a bit in the army. Many people dislike army, they think they can do much better things if they aren’t conscript, they think serving army is a waste of time. I agree.
I agree that serving army is a waste of time, but that doesn’t mean I don’t use the time to the fullest. I learnt what I can learn in army. In army, I have overcome myself, in many ways. I know I can achieve better standards if I want to. I know in life, sometimes we don’t get things the way we want. Most importantly, army has made me understand myself more.

To those who know me, I used to be a zero fighter, someone who cannot run and jump. To achieve pass standard in IPPT seemed like climbing mount everest with no oxygen tank at your back. To run 2.4 within the required passing time, is like comparing myself and an antelope. However, through BMT and Sispec training, I have managed to attain a silver in less than half a year into army. Within 6 weeks, my running improved from 12.18 to 11.11. My half fuck pull up managed to get 8 within 6 weeks. This is nothing to boast about, I know. But this is something to share to everyone, if you want to do it, you can, however through training overtime. I’m speaking in context of something achievable, not like some crazy ideas like surviving a jump off the roof.

I’m proud to say I have maintained a silver for 2nd year IPPT, and maintain a pass for SOC for 2nd year as well. Good job!

I have always dreamt to be a leader, in any ways. To lead a group in project, to lead a team for some work, but in army, giving me a section command post is the best gift thus far. A 3rd Sergeant has allowed me to command my platoon to complete task given, and of course, to make me feel how It feels like to lead a team of people. It was not an easy job, to simply lead. I always tell myself since the beginning of my army days, if I’m a commander in the future, I will treat my man good. By this protocol, it wasn’t easy at all.

How do you lead a team of people to success, if they do not respect you. How do you lead a team of people, when they don’t respect you, and they’re doing whatever the task is given simply because you’re a 3rd Sergeant or 2nd Lieutenant? They’re doing for the sake of doing, in short, no point. I have always believe that to command respect, you just need to do one thing, and so far, I am still doing it.

It is simple – to lead by example.

For 2010, I would like enrich myself even more, to gain more knowledge. This year, 2009, is the year that I have read the most amount of books that are purchased from book stalls. I have learnt more about investing, trading, and most importantly, the subprime crisis in 2008.

In short, in 2010, I aim to gain more knowledge, to achieve better results for my portfolio, maintain fitness, and not to forget, ENROL UNIVERSITY!

korea!

2009-12-20T13:52:00.000-08:00

for those who dont know, i went to korea for a 1 week and came back like 2 days ago. wasnt as fun as the first time i went, but still, its the first time i experienced the coldest degree in my life - sub 20 degrees.

SUB 20 DEGREES.

i know it sounds bullshit but trust me, up high in the mountain, its sub 20 degrees. frankly speaking, whether you heard about minus 1 or minus 20 or minus 30 degrees, it doesnt matter, what matter most is the wind blowing right at your face.

its the wind that makes you feel the damn shiver!

if there's no wind, it just feels like you're in a freezer, you feel the chill, but its not right into your bone. and guess what. there's no snow! the time when i went for my interns, its only like -10 degrees, and it snowed, now -20 no snow.

overall the trip was okay. and surprisingly met yingxiu in the same tour group, with my dad knowing his dad and his mom's my aunt's sec sch friend. how often do you get in a tour group with someone you know!

korea wasnt as fun as japan, on the overview, japan give a more high class feel than korea, and japan is definitely more enjoyable than korea.

here's a summary of my trip.

day 1 - kanna eat on day 1 cause we're on the plane and its considered 1 day. WTF.

day 2 - reached seoul in the morning before daylight, visited everland, and tried "churros" for the first time. apparently its quite common in korea but i've never seen them in singapore. looks like this.

its some dough covered with sugar, crispy. everland's a theme park in seoul, and sadly, there isnt much time to explore the whole place. usually you need to spend the whole day in a theme park to actually enjoy but wtf, we only had like 4 hours this time round. tried the attraction - roller coaster 77 degree inclined. i swear to god, i felt as though my balls are dropping. not the first time i experienced the balls drop feeling, the last time i tried was when i went to genting and i tried this 90 degrees drop. if you want to experience, the genting ride is good enough.

went to jeju island later in the day, and went to the "rock museum". because its winter, the day is shorter and the night is longer, sin time 1730 feels like 2000.

day 3
jeju wasnt as cold as seoul, for some reason, climb up this hill

went alllll the way to the top, tried the ice cream, and its super nice.
after that went to this village with this lady who appeared in da chang jin for 2 mins. the way she speas was rather funny, but anyhow, the aim was the sell honey. had my first taste on bbq pork since i landed in korea. apparently, there wasnt alot of chance to taste bbq pork like the time i went previously. anyhow, visisted green tea museum, then to some water fall and finally to teddy bear factory.

i think many of you should have seen this picture cause whoever went to the teddy bear factory would have taken a photo with this huge bear.

day 4 - woke up like 5 in the morn to take domestic flight back to seoul. visited kimchi school and had a try to wear some traditional korean robe. dad and i didnt want to tried on the kimchi so mom did everything for dad and i instead.

went to nami island, the place where they shot winter sonata. the story of this island is an epic story of how money look for people instead of people look for money. the owner of the island is actually blue collar job who earn his money bit by bit. then someone approached him to buy this island, and he was convined, somewhere around the price of 100m. he bought for sometime and there was no profit and he decided to sold it away. just when he made that decision, winter sonata was planned to be shot there. after which, he became rich. tour groups start to initiate tour there and his weekly income is like asdfasvavw.

went for some mini shopping and to lotte world after that. another theme park but just a few hours to play. i rmb i had no mood to play that time though, cant rmb whats the reason.

day 5
the whole of day 4 was on skiing, and i swear its super cold. some yong pyong resort kinda place.

the funniest thing of the day is we grab finish their tidbits on that evening when we visited a family mart like watson or 7-11. its like u saw a group of tourist grabbing finish your lays potato chips and whats worst, use cupboard boxes to contain the food. SO EMBARASSING.

day 6
went up to the mountain on top of the resort and this is the part where i say its -20 degrees. went to another apartment like hotel, and to this waterpia. its like a water playground, like what you have in sunway lagoon or perhaps the jurong swimming complex. there's indoor and outdoor. as its winter, no one went to the outdoor, and since there's a chance to be out in the cold with the top naked body, i went ahead. i cant explain how i felt but its fucking cold.

day 7 was just some simple shopping and day 8 is home sweet home.

to end, i somehow regretted and at the same time, blaming myself for not knowing what lies ahead before starting this path. i need to pick up my ego, once again.

cheerios to business people.

2009-12-10T16:09:00.000-08:00

was talking to perry about his animation freelance and what he said make sense.

in the business world, how people work, is like a pyramid. the top of the pyramid, is those people who owned a BUSINESS degree. in the middle is other chapalang, and the bottom is those who have a degree, but still work their ass off, like video chronographers, actors, engineers, whatever profession you can find.

its a simple concept. making a video is super complicated, and requires specific skills. perry excels in making video, and has intention to continue in this profession, but his current problem made him think he should study business, simply because whatever he and his team mates have done, when his boss rejects, they have to do it all over again, and its super taxing.

the best part is, the boss is NOT a profession in video, all he/she has is a business degree!

you see. you're at the top of the food chain, and you dont need to know the specific and required skills to do certain things. lets say you're the owner of capitaland, who i dont know if he has a degree in business, but lets say, he wants to have a video for his company. he will engage companies that deal with video and get started work for him. those at the bottom of the pyramid slogging their ass off, and if the owner of cpl says he's not happy with certain stuff, the people at the bottom of the pyramid will have to start changing! and it doesnt matter who those people at the bottom are, they are probably some degree or masters in video trying to work their way through.

but does that mean those people who degrees other than business cannot be at other place other than the bottom of the pyramid?

the answer is no. you can be at the middle, you own this fucking big video company, but still be engage by owner of cpl. you can be at the top, but out of the top 10 richest man in the world, only one come from the IT sector, the rest? business.

being lucky.

2009-11-29T14:40:00.000-08:00

somebody are just lucky, but someone just aren't that lucky.

you look around, people driving big brand cars, carrying label bags, taking out credit card and use it as and when they want.

i look at them, telling myself i want to be like one of them too.

i hope, i have the kinda luck that they have - born with it.

sleep alot.

2009-11-24T19:33:00.000-08:00

nowadays i slept at 3am, wake up at 2pm. then sleep at 5pm, wake at 7 again.

it happened like 2 times in 3 days. =/

different

2009-11-15T20:21:00.000-08:00

grats to mommy, everything's fine now.

i used to be more extrovert.

now like abit different. sigh.

anyway. this rocks.

friend how long?

2009-11-08T00:23:00.000-08:00

its an irony.

what if you know somehow someday one of your friends who you're hanging out with all these while, wont be helping you when you're caught up with something.

i've been telling myself. if something happen someday and this friend doesnt help me, i can only blame myself, simply because i know he's that kinda person and i choose to hang out with him.

its easy to say "dont hang out la. simple what. why so stupid"

i know. but what if you've known him for years, and you guys have been spending time together for years.

the movie 15 has this conversation which i find it interesting.

ah beng "you think we all be friends can be how long"
ah seng "can how long then how long lor."

guard duty

2009-10-31T17:53:00.000-07:00

one of the most happening guard duties i've ever done.

long story, but here's the main point.
there is no one to take over the next day's guard duty and we only know it until it was 12am in the morning when everyone else is asleep while we're trying to figure out how to solve the damn problem.

eventually the problem was solved, but we still have to "ta" the duty for a few hours. no wonder some regulars want to break bond, simply because the organisation is simply ran by some imcompetent people.

i know its 12am in the morning, but when there's no personals for the next day, why cant the SMs gather to discuss and it could be solved. the solution can be as simple as, each company fork out a few personals. easy what. better than 1 SM trying to find so many people in such a short period of time.

again, i know its 12am in the morning, but as a SM or a senior commander, i strongly believe certain sacrifice has to be made when you are activated. anyway its over. i seriously hope this wont happen again.

my sm tried to be nice though, after all the bombardments and everything. i appreciate, and if things cont to be nice, i'd be nice too.

this is probably the first time i scolded one of my man, which is the most valuable asset in my platoon. he's the SA, short for system admin. the vital man for most the exercise. but if you are the vital man, that doesnt mean you can push your way around, ignoring rank structure.

this is what happen.
he happened to be involved in the above ordeal. when told he might have to discharge his duty for another 24 hours, his first thought in mind was to call OC. of course, me and his friends told him its useless as an OC can do nothing when it comes to guard duty.

its like asking OC to conduct drill in a parade square!

then he tried to call again, then i said something like its pointless calling OC, its something not within his juridiction. wa. i think he blew up or something and yelled something at me which i cant figure out probably due to the lack of sleep.

of course i super buey song la, nabei. i immediately say
"IS THIS HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SUPERIOR"

i think he got scared or something and walked away. even if normal friend also no need raise voice right. i talk to him nicely also. anyway, after a while, he mentioned something like i play rank or what shit.

sigh. some people just dont understand.
IF YOU ARE THE IMPORTANT MAN, IT DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN PUSH YOUR WAY AROUND.

poker

2009-10-19T14:35:00.000-07:00

i lost 30 dollars for nothing, all simply on betting.

10 dollars on soccer, 20 dollars on poker.

i think i really have no luck in poker. last week i lost 50, this week i lost 20.

the worst part is, i always lost with a second best hand.

looks like i need to wear red underwear to play poker from now on.

anyway chains and chains of birthday celebration really makes me feel time is passing real fast.

just celebrated thienhoon's birthday last night, upcoming. PIKATONG!

zy birthday

kershin birthday.

my birthday

still my birthday

alex birthday

last of all. POKER!

god bless mommy.

2009-10-11T20:34:00.000-07:00

my mom is sick, and im real worried.

its not the normal cold or flu, neither is it cough or any other superficial problems.

i know the internet might sometimes be exaggerating, but by looking at the symptoms and what it could lead to, it really scares me.

i hope everything would be alright soon.

love you mommy.

happy birthday

2009-09-23T22:47:00.000-07:00

i passed the 12 o clock in a smelly uniform, in a land rover with 5 guys, just finish sending rounds after my life range.

not so bad after all, at least im not in camp just finish kanna terkan. im outside enjoying what i can, not having any arrow, never kanna any shit. actually today got guard, i firstly thank evan for willing to exchange his guard with me. (:

it wasnt as bad as i thought i would be. peaceful day, slept at home till 2pm, then do my own homework, then go out dinner. im quite contented even though it wasnt as happening as what other people have.

i think i truely first celebrated my bday on friday night when this good friend of mine decided to bluff me claiming she needs help and need me to be there by hook or by crook. i thought i was some survey. lol. anyhow thanks for the surprise, and of course the choco. (:

also celebrated my birthday on 19th with alex th zy lilian pris mich carmen. THANKS FOR THE SPEAKER AND CANDIES. truely appreciate. oh yes. ZY sang chinese song. HAHA.

i initially want to hold a party at my house on 20th, but dad says mom's not feeling recently so decided not to do so anymore. a chalet would be too last min as i posted a bit of comments saying im vexed and stuff. so i just let the flow flow. didnt turn out to be that bad.

now waiting for my sister to be back to blow my cake with family. then i can cont k-ing later.

its been sometime since i last post some photos. i will soooooon! (:

achieving something.

2009-09-19T14:59:00.000-07:00

i've hearing people older than me, probably by 2 or 3, telling me that they felt they have achieved nothing.

they felt empty, and felt so old, and yet, comparing themselves with others, they have got no achievements.

achievements are subjective. telling yourself to eat an apple a day, and by doing so everyday, its an achievement! telling yourself to smoke 1 cigger less, and by doing so, its an achievement!

it varies. if u're talking about something bigger, like having xx amount of money, or like by now i should own something, then it takes time. and not only that, it has alot of x factors.

i know it sounds bullshit, but x factors includes karma and the "fu bao" your ancestors has created for you. however, of course, at the beginning you have to do your own part.

to achieve something big, it can be different from one to one. to him, travelling around europe by the age of 30 might be a bigger scale of achievement. to her, to own 50 label handbags by the age of 30 might be a bigger scale of achievement.

it all goes down to one thing. - what is your interest.

many have not found their interest. many have not found what they are good at. and that is very risky, because as time goes, the time to manifest your own interest, and to portray how good you are chances will get lesser.

by the age of 35, do you think someone who wants to travel around europe by age 40 would be easier than the one who wants to travel around europe by age 30?
the reason is simple - by 35, you have family, you have kids, you have aged parents. you have BIGGER responsibilities.

im very lucky. i have discover my interest on the age of 20, and i realised what are my strength, and of course, my weakness as well.

try financial market anyone? you'll never know what you'd have stumbled upon. (:

as it gets closer

2009-09-09T00:57:00.000-07:00

as it get closer,

im getting vexed.

Army Open House

2009-09-06T22:13:00.000-07:00

If you have been to the army open house, you're probably facinated by what you see, but seriously, part of it is wayang, just like everything else.

went back to sispec, i think its the part of my army life that is the toughest. i'm not comparing it to anyone, what i endured might mean nothing to some people, but what i'm trying to say is that its the part that i have my most tough training.

21bx, 3km almost everyday, 1 week sleep 20 hours, unreasonable punishments, weird timing to meet.

even though its the toughest, i miss my sispec life the most. its so busy until, given 8 weeks, i dont even know some of my platoon mates. i miss my csm, i miss my bunk mates, i miss learning simple spanish.

tried going to plt office but its locked. i left sispec not saying goodbye to my platoon wo and my pc, today, i miss talking to them.

walked my 2.4 running route, the time when i hit my best. i thank my csm the most, putting in effort to run with us every single morning, not returning home. it was him, who brought the most out of us. for this, i thank you, MSG Voon.

i had lots to say, but i somehow forget part of them. i probably will give a recount of my entire army life again when i ORD, which is exactly 373 days from now.

talking to justin this afternoon enlightened me abit.
he says something like this.
"do things, got 2 ways of looking at it. happy also must do, sad also must do. see which way you prefer"

he wants to sign on in SOTF too. :o

im glad that sg has officers like him. haha!

birthday

2009-09-03T20:44:00.000-07:00

while part of me wants to have a big birthday celebration, the other tells me that its kinda dreadful.

sad to say, i have never celebrated my birthday with a blast, like many people around, organising 1 chalet, birthday cake, lots of food. never.

the best i had was probably either my 17 or 18th when i celebrated them at esplanade, with my bunch of besties.

i dont even remember if i celebrated last year. i was confined in tekong on 23/9

this year, its on a wed, and i seriously dont think anyone would be around to celebrate too.

what reuben said struck me.
"you everytime celebrate for people's birthday. now your birthday see got people celebrate for you anot"
he doesnt mean to be mean, like, just a casual comment, and i know it meant no harm.

some of them who i used to celebrate with dont meet each other often anymore. some are attached, and even meeting on usual weekends is already a problem, not to mention my birthday.

what martin said struck me too.
"your kind of friends are only "friends" "
i was kinda pissed when he said that, and it even broke out into a bad quarrel. but i did do a reflection on what he said.

i'm already sometimes spending my weekends at home, which i thought would never be possible. now it happened, maybe part of what martin said is true.

or maybe, as we grow, people tend to get more busy, more people tend to get attached, people have more people to entertain.

i dont know man, we'll know when 23/9 approach nearer.

telling myself

2009-08-23T22:35:00.000-07:00

i will succeed.

i will.

sometimes.

2009-08-23T22:22:00.000-07:00

it hurts when you do all these for this special group of people, and you know that they dont appreciate.

its time to be selfish.

all for myself.

Update here lesser leh

2009-08-13T01:17:00.000-07:00

i think i'm more occupied with my investment journal thus i'm updating here less often.

for those who dont know, please visit out-of-ratrace.blogspot.com

comments are welcomed!

i thought after NDP can be more relac. tmd still got things to do after that. after this i dont know still got what. seriously sept got more free time. doh.

i think its been sometime since i last said this.
its been so many years. i suddenly miss her.

WTF.

sunday afternoon.

2009-08-02T13:48:00.000-07:00

after sometime, i realise i haven been meeting some of my friends.

F.O.K haven been meeting for a very very long time. as far as i can remember, i think the last time ALL OF US come together is during new year.

i too, haven been meeting my group of poly friends. as in, going out together. i think there's tooooooo much to catch up.

anyway days are just the same. unit life is much better. more space for myself, and more responsibilities. people at unit are nice, and im rather glad i have met a very good upper study. but of course there are not so nice people everywhere, and i too, give no face to those kind of people.

i wake up everyday thinking of the stock market, and i find it very different, to have the market keeping me going on with the days. i used to have a hard time sleeping on sunday night, thinking its only monday tomorrow. but its all different now. the market makes me feel that monday would be a new day, marking a new work, new opportunity to make money.

many people asked me about the market, many people want to know about the market. but at the bottomline, they'll ask "not risky meh?"

of course its risky. you have to take the risk to earn back some money. if there's no risk, there wouldnt be money. now the question is, how much risk you're willing to take.

the market, with a considerable amount of risk, gives you back a return that you are happy with.

BUT HEY, im not here to promote about the market, just sharing some thoughts. (:

and damn, i just got chased by two dogs, after 20 years of my life. it really scare the shit out of me. i swear i ran like fuck. its like burst of speed. i swing my arms so hard that it cramped after that.

lucky never kanna bite.

ZY I HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOUR BIRTHDAY. (:
and HAPPY BIRTHDAY MISTY!

trust broken

2009-07-21T21:08:00.000-07:00

"sometimes in life, when you broke that thin layer of trust, you might never get it back."

thats what they all say. and that's entirely true, for him.

this man under my command, has broken his hard earned trust from me and i dont know if what he says is any true or false.

until now, his medical condition doesnt only affect his reputation to be the enemy of the company, but also affect my emotion and feelings during my freedom.
SIMPLY BECAUSE IM BOTHERED BY HIM EVEN WHEN I BOOK OUT CAUSE OF HIS DAMN CONDITION.

i dont even know if its true or not, but apparently, if its false, he must have lots of determination to geng until now.

he got this back problem, and he has migrain. he's c2l? cause of migrain, and he came up with this problem for his back. he went to everyone he could including physiotherpist and specialist and they have backed him for his problems.

but but but, if he can do a 50m dash without any problem, why is there a need to ACT limping in front of everyone when there isnt a need to? trying to convince?

i've tried motivating, tried talking, tried scolding. and i thank god, the initial 3 problematic guys i have, is now left with one.

and i actually scold someone until he cried. lol. i think im SINFUL.

treating man

2009-07-13T00:28:00.000-07:00

troubling. and i begin to feel paranoid.

is it who i am or just my working etiqutte?

i think my image in camp is just me being protective and giving them welfare. but thats not true.

i think my image in camp is just not caring if they chao keng or not, i just help them all the way, which is not true too.

im just trying to be fair.

when they do wrong, i punish them.
when they need help, i will help them, till the end. what is wrong with that?

i give them the benefit of the doubt. what is wrong with that?

black and white from specialist is clearly written. there are problems. just that maybe he make it more serious than it seemed to be.

i know how it feels when everyone look at you as if you chaokeng with you have some problem.
i know how it feels when someone spray water on your bed when you get excuse guard duty.
all these not simply because i kanna the above, but because i REMEMBER to fit myself in their shoes.

"don't help them, they should think of the solution before coming to you"
if they have solutions, would they come for help?

and this is popular
"dont make your problem to be my problem"

but i will write this here first. if i know they chaokeng, they gonna dread going back to camp so much, so much.

in short, please understand me, im just trying to be fair.

why keep fighting.

2009-06-29T23:04:00.000-07:00

why why why keep fighting?

you believe in fighting for something more than your survival?
can you tell me what it is?
do you even know?
is it freedom or truth? perhaps peace. could it be love?
illusions, my friend. vagaries of perception.
temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect, trying desperately to justify an existance that is without meaning or purpose.

man spec officer.

2009-06-24T01:38:00.000-07:00

man spec officer.

one cannot do without another.

1 month in new unit, i somehow has some sparks with fellow specialist, some man and even my officer, cause my motive was to help my man.

maybe its because when i was a trainee, i alr tell myself i'll definately be a good sgt and treat my man good.

the problem with people is this, when they're up there, they totally forget what it feels like when u're down below. they forget how its felt when they're in BMT, they forget how its felt when they're in OCS, they forget how its felt when they're in SISPEC.

we all have a job to do, and we all have a role to play. good training when there is a need to be, and do what can be done to help them.

i know what im doing is not wrong. but sometimes it just simply jeopardise my reputation, considering im only here for 1 month.

HAO REN NAN ZHUO. ):

moment of truth.

2009-06-19T21:01:00.000-07:00

its the second time that i felt like its a moment of truth. i, was initially suppose to support some operation for NDP, now has to be part of the show cause of some stupid thing.

again, i stress that i cannot say much here, ask me if you want to know more.

its like i've been assisting within the ops area for so long, since 3 weeks ago, each and every single segment has my fingerprints on them, and now cause of some reason, my efforts and hard work has been put to waste, with the possibility of having no one to take my position ever again.

people think working inside is easy simply because its all air con and we get to stay out, but its simply not. staying in camp has nth to do all day, apart from some foot drills in the morning as there's parade coming up. else, you'd get to sleep.

now i have jeopardised my social value as i called people around the company to ask for replacement but there is none. it seemed like almost everyone has been called up but i believe that it is not true.

"you help here finish alr then okay. can go help other place alr."
easy to say but not easy to swallow.

stay out

2009-06-12T00:51:00.000-07:00

if you have seeing me online during the times im not suppose to be, wondering if im staying out, the answer is yes.

but not for long.

just probably till this week, at most next week. reason? i wouldnt wanna publish here again cause i dont wanna invite unnecessary trouble. ask me, i might tell. lol.

its an expensive stayout, i'd say. lunch aren't cheap nowadays, and an average spending per day is around 10 bucks. lets say i stay out everyday, i'd have spend 200 on food per month, not including entertainment and travelling allowance!

after growing up, entering NS for sometime, i realised the importance of money even more. and what made me realised more is how people want money quick and easy.

the rule is simple - you faster you gain the money, you faster you lose it.

i realised when people talked about investing, its either forex or short term gains. im not saying its no good to play abit of forex and having short term gain, but at lesat, know the meaning of invest, or rather, the difference between speculating and investing.

it sucks when you hear people say to you, "you got so much money meh"
hurts my ego, i'd say.

oreo

2009-06-04T20:41:00.000-07:00

me: dont eat too much oreo, later shit come out become black black

reuben: no, the shit come out will become white.

me: why?

reuben: i only eat the middle white part.

HAHAHAHAHA!

3SG

2009-05-31T00:06:00.000-07:00

i removed my last post, as i heard almost all sergeants of the past history in my platoon would get charge, and one of the reasons would be blogging.

so in order to be safe, I REMOVED THAT VERY POST.
if you've read it, you probably know the life im having now, else you can come and ask me, we can share over some beer. (:

im glad i've met some really nice and click-able people in this unit. people from JC, people from poly, and full fledge interaction with man and officers. i probably cant imagine any situation if th is my OO or my C4, cause i think its gonna be so weird. LOL.

when i look at my OO or my C4, i dont feel any connections with them even though they're of my age group. thus if th, or any of the officers in his batch is going to take over either of those position, i wouldnt look at them as friends, but more of superiors.

life has been good so far. and i hope it continues to be. (:

the game

2009-05-24T12:15:00.000-07:00

scenario.

a girl who flirts, has history of snatching someone's almost bf, and that someone is still her good friend. knows the game pretty well. not very pretty, just that she probably shows fake IOIs, and people might get mistaken for it. somewhat a player.

a guy who has been trying to pick up girls. recently just watched pick up artist, read the game, and pick up some information regarding body language.

now that she has met him.

you cant tell the guy that she flirts with guy easily, you cant tell the guy she's a player. you dont wanna hurt him.

you cant tell the girl stay away from my friend, tats so mean.

so what should i do?

POP LO!

2009-05-23T12:02:00.000-07:00

hi 3SG CJ talking here. HAHA.

okay joking, no big deal. the one having more pride is on the other side of the road. lol.

anyway its really fast, after all the rehearsal, i think the parade really worth it. i think this is the best parade i had after all, like after 5 parades.

i love this platoon man, hope to keep in contact.

kinda worried about the new unit. like taking man, holding onto a whole new responsibility. its like whatever happen to your man, its gonna be under my control. safety, daily routine, blah blah.

nevertheless, i think signals if want xiong also wont xiong till where. lol.

some shots, more can be seen from fb.

most importantly....

POP LO.

passing out

2009-05-17T00:30:00.000-07:00

probably the last time i will be posting as a SCT, gonna be a 3rd SGT this coming fri. no big deal. pass IPPT, say yes to command sch, you're eligible.

time really pass super fast. it was not long ago, when i still complain about army stuff, and being worried about going to army and everything, but now, im typing this post as of becoming a 3rd sgt within the next few days.

exercise endurance wasnt as tough as i think it is. not exactly 42, to what i felt. probably slightly more than 30, but definately not more than 40.

anyway being a signal spec really no pride. as long as you pass IPPT, you pass the course. im not sure about other vocations, but signals' life really isnt that tough. its totally from being an infantry spec, where you keep cheong sua, then get mud stains everywhere.

the week would have been much easier if i dont have the guard duty tml and on tues. wed and thurs would be parade rehearsal, and see me on friday for pass out parade.

some of 05/08 IC2

pride

2009-05-10T00:30:00.000-07:00

"after 2 years also like that."
"pride cannot eat la."

to everyone, doing things for pride in army is only stupidity.
cause to them, its People Rest I Do Everything/Extra

to me, its a totally different meaning.

its something that keeps me going.
its something that motivates me.
its something that tells me i must continue when i feel like crumbling soon.

maybe its my ego, that makes me feel the need to have it.

KTV Bryan Birthday

2009-05-03T14:00:00.000-07:00

its been sometime since i had fun in a whole day, KTV in the noon with bunkmates + yaoboon and ivan, watched taken with adeline in the evening, and bryan's birthday in the night.

lots of catch up done with a few friends there. never seen kellyn, jin, denise and shermain for years. lol.

i never regret coming to signals, even though i get 2 extra for reading a book, and had a very terms with my course commander. i still think coming here is a privilege. most of the days end at 7, no outfield, exercise can balonglong, lots of time to interact with.

OUR LOVE, K.Y. LEE!

a picture paints a thousand word.

bryan happy, happy bryan.

Pluck out tooth

2009-05-03T13:44:00.000-07:00

apparently i cannot withstand the toothache, and went to a dentist to look for consultation.

the first thing he said when he looked at my tooth was
"oh this one ah, gone case already la."

i was like wtf! i was scared la, then i asked
"eh cfm want take out ah, need injections anot."

he said
"if dont want then i extract alr you go outside dance awhile then come back. why? you scared ah."

i said
"ya quite"

he said
"aiya dont scared la. you got bull what (pointing to my belt), unless your belt is timid bull la."

i swear i laugh my ass off.

anyway i think he poked my gum for like 8 times? and he still didnt used up the whole fluid inside the syringe.

and since then, i have this scene of him keep injecting my gum running in my mind. SO TRAUMATISED.

now that i have my tooth plucked out, i have to either, get a bridge, or an implant, or a fake tooth.

I TOT MILK TEETH PLUCK OUT WILL HAVE ADULT TOOTH?

sigh. monday report sick get appointment. let saf pay for my bridge. 1.3K!

ego

2009-05-01T19:41:00.000-07:00

i thank that little thing, to make my mind feel so poisoned.
i thank that little thing, that bloat my ego.
i thank that little thing, that makes me wanna make them feel sorry.

its all your fault. your fault.

nut is back

2009-05-01T11:07:00.000-07:00

NUT IS BACK! YAY!

(: x10

th coming back!

2009-04-26T20:00:00.000-07:00

th coming back. yay!

wow week

2009-04-25T01:00:00.000-07:00

this might probably be the last week that i can stay in SI in peace, for i might be easily get picked by my course commander from now on.

i did something which he never expect me to do, and the result is going to be very surprising to him.

he gave me two confinement, and instead of acknowledging the punishment, i went to my OC to appeal, and to be surprise, it was successful.

my course commander (CC) gave me 2, simply because to him,

1. i did not secure my bayonet.
2. i did not put in effort in soc because i pass something to me friend in front of the low wall before climbing it.

but that is not true!

what happen was.

i always have comms cord tied to my bayonet, just in case it came out of my utility pouch, i still have a secondary web to prevent it from dropping.

after i ran the 1st 650m, i realise my bayonet was dangling, with comms cord attached to my utility pouch, so what i did was, i stopped, asked my friend who is running beside me, to put it back properly. and while i put it back, i realise there was a battery initially used for hail yard. so i took it out as i believe it would affect my effectness of completing the SOC. i passed it to my friend before climbing the low wall.

LIKE THAT SAY NOT SECURED AND NEVER PUT IN EFFORT AH?

if not secured, it would have dropped onto the floor.
if never put in effort, i wont have ran with all the energy i have. SOC is not easy. it can kill!

CC: CJ 2 confinement cause you this this this, you understand?
me: no. because..
CC: JUST YES OR NO.

i looked away.

CC: you not happy can go find OC, he will give you 3.
me: i still didnt care.
CC: so you want see OC la?
me: (i think i said ya, cant rmb)
CC: okay you go find OC.

i know what are you guys thinking, there're not suppose to have hard objs right?

i understand.

so bayonet not hard object?

anyway before i confront OC i already mentally prepared. i know if this appeal fail, its gonna be 3 or 4. but, i also know that under military law, there can be no more than 2 consecutive confinement in a month, which also means, i will only need to serve 2, and i will pop after that.

now my CC doesnt like me and doesnt really wanna talk to me anymore. lol.

gonna not give him any chance to pick on me!

sucks

2009-04-19T11:43:00.000-07:00

it kinda suck, when you felt something over and over again. im probably at the end of my wits now. i dont know what to do.

it wasnt seem like before, everything goes haywire now.

i only hope for the best.

long weekend

2009-04-12T13:42:00.000-07:00

suffering from slight hangover, and its been so long since i last drank so muchhh. like 10 shots, 1 jug by myself, and a lil here and there.

i always regret drinking so much but at that point of time, maybe its the feel, that made all of us drank.

anyway nothing much to post. maybe no mood. silver for ippt.

and oh yes!

out-of-ratrace.blogspot.com

investment journal for me, else posting them in this blog looks weird.

LOOONG WEEK NEXT WEEK!

2009-04-04T13:24:00.000-07:00

a boring weekend, i suppose, is one of the weekend i never looked forward to.

i'd rather this weekend fast forward, and monday comes asap. but neverthless the time is never fair or bias, it just go on its own.

its kinda dreadful, for this week, waiting for monday to come. however, as the time gets nearer, i begin to wonder if its better if monday never comes.

im afraid there would be moment of silence. im surprised the time that i was about to talk came earlier, which happened to be last night, but i was kinda disappointed about the results.

anyway im getting tired. i dont know why. it just seemed like im the one all these while.

scrap that.

6 more weeks to 3rd sergeant and time pass really really fast in stagmont. its like totally heaven comparing to the hell you have in BMT.

my BMT days are the worst, or rather, the schedule are the worst. you have 2 physical exercises everyday, and live with the fear that you might get punished everytime. the sergeants there portrayed themselves as the king of each platoon.

in stagmont, you dont have to afraid of shouted at, all you have to be afraid of is the either extra or confinement. i was lucky enough not to touch any of those 2, and i hope i will never touch them.

anyway if there are still people who doesnt know about this news, ex school mate paul wai has passed away after a bike accident. i think this is also the first time that when i receive this news, i thought its a joke.

i was having a lesson, with a friend sitting beside me.
ray - eh i dont know tml can book out during confinement anot, my friend pass away.
me - huh really? from where.
ray - poly lor.
me - what name.
ray - aiya you dont know 1 la. my course.

then i probe probe probe.

me - ok nevermind, just tell me the name, maybe i know
ray - paul.
me - full name?
ray - paul wai.
me - EH YOU THINK FUNNY AH? MY FRIEND LEH.

then later i begin to realise its the truth. such portrays the fragility of life. i just saw him like 2 or 3 months back at vivo with jackson? and now he's gone, in an accident.

lets hope this wont happen, but we never know when we gonna leave. i dont wanna leave this early as well. i have dreams to live, and goals to reach.

its just another dreadful sat to me, with everyone else dont know at where.

shaun kenneth CQ pray for me okay! you know what i want. (:

seoul.

2 more months!

2009-03-28T11:51:00.000-07:00

2 more months to more money, and i mus really say, its really fast.

if its at bslc, its like taking 10 years to pass 8 weeks.

life has been okay so far, apart from the always kanna aim by my course commander. lol.

he's a funny man, he loves to give confinement.

you know whats the best part?
he give someone a x2 confinement simply because someone sang a song with his name in it.

and he give confinement like water. i hope it will never be my turn. haha.

i missed a post last week simply because i had to do a last min guard duty. and it sucks, trust me.

"cj ur name is inside the list"

WALAO EH. ITS LIKE A MOMENT OF TRUTH, WITH LIGHTS SHINING FROM THE SKY AND YOU KNEELING DOWN, ARMS WIDE OPEN FACING THE SKY.

i almost exchanged the guard duty with the person who's doing today. thanks to my kind sgt, i can book in on the next day morning. i fucking wake at 4am. z.

the biggest update of this post is

I LOST MY IPOD TOUCH. sigh. the ipod got so many memories la. i brought it along to so many countries. like, china interns, malaysia trip with kel and friends, and finally japan. most unique of all, tekong island. nevermind, i think i'll be getting 1 later.

LILIAN VERY LONG NEVER SEE YOU ALR LEH! FREE MUST TELL US! (:

1 photo to share.

daniel's birthday!

raffles medical group

2009-03-15T18:22:00.000-07:00

raffles MG's amount of shares has been rising, and PE is high enough, considering the market condition.

WHY IS THE PRICE STILL GOING UP!

power of speculation?

celebrated daniel's birthday

2009-03-15T16:13:00.000-07:00

i felt guilty.

i felt guity simply because i had KFC for lunch and i had buffet for dinner.

its so sinful.

IM STILL ON A DIET!

damn. trust me im on diet. you know like, stagmont's food, although sometimes cannot be compared to PLC, its still very alluring. as im still on diet, i always ask auntie uncle to gimme lesser.

ITS TRUE!

anyway, celebrated daniel's belated birthday, i hope the night was fun for you daniel! (:

took like many different shots and i decided to choose 2 out of the best. same like many cliques, people come and go, and this is of no exception. most importantly, they're nice people. haha! and i didnt know jiamin's the same age as all of us there. so paiseh!

it sucks to stay alone at home. like, its so empty! nobody to talk to, but my computer. and im going to book in like, soon?

weekends always pass so fast. but its not a bad thing, 1 weekend past means another week closer to 3 stripe.

"3 STRIPE BIG FUCK?"

not really, its just simply means i have more freedom and more off, most importantly, more money.

posted to SI would seriously be a bonus. INSTRUCTOR! 8 TO 5!

at least its not a no. (:

dont know what to do.

2009-03-08T13:32:00.000-07:00

everytime when i was in camp, i can think and plan things which i can do when im at home.

now that im at home, and nearing the end of my weekends, i still cannot think how to spend my time wisely.

i probably spent an amount of time waiting over this weekend.

i spend like 3 hours waiting on fri. 1 to 2 hours waiting on sat.

thats like minimum 4, maximum 5!

btw happy birthday wei siong! i hope you enjoyed the dinner last night. haha!

i cant cont to do my financial report cause they have not release their annual report and i have some doubts which i need to clear.

high key events coming up. GONNA BE SOOOOOOOOO DREADFUL.

i just hope things get better.

self-control

2009-03-07T11:54:00.000-08:00

i hope this time round everything goes well.

im trying trying trying very very very hard!

armstrong updates 2008

2009-03-01T19:01:00.000-08:00

refer to
http://info.sgx.com/webcoranncatth.nsf/VwAttachments/Att_F3E4926951984F3D482575690035F62A/$file/ResultAnnouncement.pdf?openelement

armstrong just release their end of year report. not very good, in terms of expectation, but not very surprising either. i have no time to cut and paste the numbers i have so just refer to the link i have on top.

marco outlook.
a report from strait times last week states that the manufacturing sector in singapore is doing badly. they divided like the manufacturing sector into 6 parts, and the only sector, transport manufactoring, which i believe is automotive, is like +3.3%

thus, im not very amazed by armstrong's negative net profit.

financial report.
last quarter i believe is somewhat the peak of the previous bull market. indeed, it is. 4Q 2008's net profit is only like 20% of 4Q 2007's net profit. that of course, affects the net profit margin by around 4%

gross profit didnt dropped alot, so i believe COGS maintained around the same, its just the market that causes fluctuation in the financial instruments.

those funny funny funds, who promised capital protected, giving 3% interest annually, is one super big example. i cant stay which company does that fund, but im sure it hit alot of people badly.

balance sheet.
strong balance sheet. why?
-decreasing in trade receivable
-increase in cash and bank balances.
-huge decrease in debt.

even though there's a minute increase liabilities, strong assets shows they would be able to survive this turmoil. current asset stands at 2.2, although 07's 2.24. not much difference, so doesnt matter.

(13,083)m as net debt. how should i say. uh. it just simply means their cash power is overwhelming their debt. lets just put it this way.
their current year debt(long term + short term): 6,752m

lets say next year, the amount of cash they have is the same, and they decided to borrow some money for projects, as they wouldnt wanna touch their cash for some purpose, they would still be have the power to return.

confusing? okay never mind, talk to me on msn and i will tell you personally. lol.

the only thing im concerned is their increase in inventories. for the past 5 years, inventories gradually increase, but this year's look different. there's almost an additional of 80%. well, according to the company, its because of the shipping problem, and while armstrong is a company who won the most transparency award, we'll just buy that reason.

for the rest, i will probably explain more next week or when their annual report comes. come back for more! and comments are welcome. (:

NDU

2009-03-01T18:13:00.000-08:00

"its all in your mind"

thats what they all say.

thats what people who have been though tough training says.

went to this party with a friend who's in NDU, doing spec course now. and talked about his trainings and how he managed to cope everything.

NDU does banned things like changing parade, being hammered like 200 times plus push ups, touch the gate and come back kinda stuff, many things which i cant possibly imagined being done to me.

its just the different kind of treatment you'll get when you're one of the elite forces. the initial strength was 12x, now, its only 7x

no wonder really call elites. i think recee's RTI no kick to them. lol.

thats why their motto's
"nothing stands in our way"

addiction

2009-02-21T10:31:00.000-08:00

last night i dreamt of her all over again.

a nice one though.

it'd be good if my life happened exactly to what happened in the dream.

it all started out on a fri evening when i was walking to look for my parents in vivo city.

i saw this familiar lady but she was talking to her ex colleague so i just exchanged like a few words.

when i was with my parents, i realise that if i dont say what i wanna say, i might have to wait another long time before i can say what i wanna say.

i went back down, and saw her going home.

i pondered for many times, during the time i took to walk up to her.

i convinced myself and went up.

i didnt actually say what i wanna say, but what i said held some obvious meanings.

its like 5 years back all over again.

for the past 5 years, time to time again i tried to convince myself i can find someone better.

i tried to tell myself it all takes time.

its true, from time to time, ive met different people, but none is comparable to her. well maybe there are, but its the heart thats playing the trick.

5 years ago, i didnt imagine myself to be standing where i am now when i look 5 years down the road.

i didnt imagine myself still texting the same thing to the same person.

its funny.

if its all a show, i think im just another big joke.

fate or coincidence?

price lower than intrinsic value still buy?

2009-02-15T14:04:00.000-08:00

i was reading through buffetology and i came across this part if price is lower than intrinsic value, we still buy?

intrinsic value is how much a stock counter actually worth.

so now the question is "if the price is lower than intrinsic value, do we still make positions in that counter?"

if, i haven read that book, my answer would be yes, which is to follow benjamin graham's philosophy, to buy anything as long as the price is below the intrinsic value.

however buffet came out with this problem, what if price never rise above the intrinsic value? how long do we have to wait?

with that problem, i forget where he find this solution, but he came out with this term call expanding value, which is to have increasing earnings per share every year.
you can use rate of return to somehow calculate expanding value.

a simple demostration.

Stock A Price: $10, EPS: $2
PE = 5, ROR = 20%

Stock B Price: $20, EPS: $2
PE = 10, ROR = 10%

Stock C Price: $10, EPS: $5
PE = 2, ROR = 50%

Stock D Price: $10, EPS: $10
PE = 1, ROR = 100%

Stock A and B shows that even though there's an increase in Price, with no increase in EPS, your rate of return decrease.
This affects those who wants to keep their money for long term, for speculators, might be a good thing for as long as the price increase, they'd be happy.

Stock C and D shows that even though the price is the same, as long as there's an incrase in EPS, the rate of return increase.

lets say the intrinsic value of Stock A and B has a intrinsic value of $20. Stock B now cost $20, but with no increase in EPS, it would be harder for the price to go any higher, and even if it does, this would balloon the PE, making it even risker to buy.

however, if for Stock C and D, if the intrinsic value is $10, and both the price does move even after a few years, even though there's a much increase in EPS, this would simply only mean 1 thing - the market has not take note of this counter, YET.

because its very simple - with a increase of value in share, the price would increase. (expanding value)

stagmont.

2009-02-15T00:28:00.000-08:00

trust me when i say, this is the dunno how many times im limping, after suffering from dunno how many lower limb injuries from the BSLC course. and yes, im currently limping when i was in town walking around with my friends.

i swear if im in ASLC, i will report sick again on monday, simply because i have suffer from a knee injury from my 28km route march. it was too dark, and the pace was rather fast, so i just step step step and there you go, i accidentally stepped onto a rock, and injured myself.

not to forget, the amt of blisters there are on my sole, its like i just came back from a war. lol.

28km was never easy. and i began to feel the strain from the 12th km onwards. anyway, being egostic, just kept telling myself it was all for pride and glory. 28km is what makes specialist differs from a recruit.

recruit march 24, specialist march 28. and not to forget, only recruits recite 7 core values. HAHA! okay okay, chill, no offence.

anyway im posted to stagmont, a training institute for signallers, which is rather lucky, compared to those who get posted to ASLC.

i believe its not about the prejudice of the course, its more towards the company that is conducting it. if the CO tomorrow decides to change conducting companies of charlie and echo, to maybe kilo and juilet, TRUST ME, EVERYONE SAY, HENG AH! and those who goes to recee will certainly op for aslc instead.

charlie is really fucked up, esp platoon 1. in the whole platoon, 6 commanders, only 1 commander i believe is to be able to lead by heart, not rank.

the management of that company suck. and i seriously wish those who's taking their ASLC there good luck. plenty got posted there, many familiar faces, jonathan,yong sheng, aaron, edwin, feng xu, albert, zheng hong, melvin.

scrap everything aside,
one of the few photo i took during my training in BSLC

bing bang left foot.
i wanna hear your left foot.
mo-ly mo-ly got alot of motivation.
daddy daddy got alot of dedication.
MOTIVATED.
DEDICATED.

dbl o

2009-02-08T12:10:00.000-08:00

i wasnt really keen to go to dbl o last night actually, but still, since i promised alex and alex had pushed away his zouk invitation, i went eventually, with myself actually wanted to play mj instead.

i can say its a really total drinking experience. i met many people there, and i get to know more things, under a only 50% sober state.

it then made me think back if this this this had happen or this this this person had tell me such things.

i saw _ smoking. and this _, who i know for very long, i dont even know _ smoked, which was rather disappointing. this _, had a new boyfriend, who even though im in no position to judge, i think is not a good bf. im sorry _, if you read this. not good first impression.

i got to meet _, who used to be in crazy love with a good friend of mine. she was frenching with this guy, who i dont know if he's her bf. but what i do know is she's definitely not fully sober.

i saw _ who was with _ and the rest of her poly classmates. i think _ would remember me more as limin's bro, more than my name. lol. i left alex and zy for a while cause i know i shouldnt drink anymore and saw _ outside together with the rest of the poly classmate. talked quite for sometime regarding _, and yeah, i appreciate. thanks! i would definitely put my fingers on my lips. HAHA! i know im not totally sober when i was talking to you at that time, but what i say is 100% true, and i can still rmb what i said about her. (:

and i think the following is a joke. i went around 11, ordered 3 jugs, played finger guessing, drank abit, and i cannot walk a straight path anymore. drinking's probably not my trade.

please please please dont deem me as a clubber or what shit cause i dont club often and i go there like 10 years 1 time. people ask me go then i go. my clubbing experience still could be count by my fingers.

anyway, 1 more week to pop, im really excited about the posting, and i know this week's gonna be a fast one.

one of my bunkmates got selected for interview, and we somehow know he's going to ocs cause we gave him good peer appraisal. and since then, i think its due to his successful, he began to order things around. complacency? screw it anyhow, im pop-ing this weekend.

i dreamt about _ last night. THINK TOO MUCH LA, CJ!

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing

ch birthday

2009-02-01T18:14:00.000-08:00

ch's birthday party has been an enjoyable one. many groups of people attended, clairecia's group, kelly's group, Biz club, cheekeng's group and of course a group of commandos.

its really good to see everyone else coming together again, doing some catch ups. and ultimately, i think im re-living the childishness i have in my group, making fun of each other and laughing all the way.

we merely just said "xiao niao" into the mike and all of us went laughing crazy. i rmb those time when we were disturbing eric all the while, starting from his uncle to him, from him to his bro.

im glad i know these group of friends and i strongly believe we'll still meet up in time to come.

and i finally get to see her, after like dunno how long. i was planning to take a photo with her but the stress is just too much for me to take, and i eventually didnt get to.

anyway there's 1 group photo which has both me and her in it. i'll post it when i receive. haha.

happy new year

2009-01-30T15:59:00.000-08:00

and i've realised, i have not posted anything wishing anyone a happy new year, so i hope its not too late to wish now.

happy chinese new year everyone. (:

i shall not talk much about what i do during new year, cause every year's the same, and its probably similar to everyone. visiting, red packets, catching up, yada yada.

i always have stuff to pen down but whenever im back home, i dont have the inspiration anymore.

i used to be dreadful of army, but thinking back of the experience, i think, if there's a chance if i can choose to be in army, i still will, even though its a waste of my talent and time. haha.

ive met directors, actors, people from different family background.

but again, the suckiest thing is that you need to live like dogs and be fucked everyone like what im having now.

booking in sucks too.

cant think of anything to post now.

anyway, happy birthday ch! (:

maybe its true.

2009-01-26T01:56:00.000-08:00

maybe its true that there're some things that you will never be able to acquire in your entire life.